TOP 10 TIPS FROM THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE GUARANTEED TO SAVE YOUR LIFE IN A REAL ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

I chuckled when I first heard of The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead, the first book written by American horror writer Max Brooks in 2003, and who wouldn’t?  I mean brain eating zombies, walking corpses, completely ridiculous right? But as the old saying goes, don’t judge a book by its title, or is it cover? Anyways I decided to read the first few pages, just to see if this hypothetical how to manual on combatting undead armies can actually be taken seriously or if it’s just some satirical spoof. Barely twenty pages in, I had already tossed the book aside, no not because it was wack, it’s just those first few pages had me so paranoid I thought I heard rotting fingernails scraping on the windows and doors outside.

After ascertaining my wild imagination was pranking me, I still locked all the doors and windows in the house just to make double sure, picked up the hellish novel strewn on the floor and returned to the disturbing, post-apocalyptic world ruled by the undead.

[WARNING: CRAZY SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT READ THE BOOK]

BACKGROUND & PLOT

Unlike Max Brooks’ well-known follow-up book World War Z, which was popularised by a hugely successful Hollywood adaptation in 2014 and is a collection of recorded humans versus zombies accounts from different parts of the world at different times, The Zombie Survival Guide is written in the format of a simple HOW-TO guide that even a 4^th grade child could understand.

It is based in contemporary times and begins by immediately dispelling popular myths & superstitions about zombies (I.E they are created using black magic, they are Satan’s army, animals can become zombies too, zombies can chase down prey or have superhuman strength), with real historical facts, scientific data collected via lab experiments, hard-won experience and “personal eyewitness accounts” of the author and other survivors of the Solanum viral outbreak from around the world.

It doesn’t train you to become a zombie hunter nor is it useful for large armed forces like the military or police, as they already have a vast array of weapons and manpower at their disposal, if that’s what you were expecting then the book isn’t for you.

The Zombie Survival guide is specifically written for the ordinary private civilian like you and me, who possesses little time or resources to combat the enemy but refuses to become its helpless victim. It empowers readers with the knowledge necessary for their survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. It teaches you how to keep your cool when face to face with a living dead person, or even worse a hoard of them, who want to eat your warm flesh and leave nothing but your putrid bones behind. It teaches you both offensive and defensive maneuvers, how to operate in civilian groups, which weapons to use, where to hide & where not to hide and how to use terrain to your advantage amongst many other things.

But before I start listing the tips from this guidebook, which is so realistic it’s easy to get carried away and forget zombies are completely fictional (hopefully), please allow me to explain how one becomes a member of the walking dead.

Solanum: The zombie virus 

Solanum is the virus that specifically targets human beings only, kills them, changes their physiology and reanimates the corpses with one single aim in their primitive minds, EATING HUMANS! The entire process from initial infection to reanimation happens within 23 hours. The Solanum virus is 100% communicable and fatal. It works by entering the bloodstream through the initial point of entry, which is usually via bites, but can also be contracted by rubbing an open wound against those of zombies or by being splattered by its remains after blowing it up.

After infection, the virus travels straight to the brain, specifically the frontal lobe, where it begins to rapidly replicate itself while completely extinguishing all the brain cells in the process and reducing the intelligence of the host to the level of an insect. During this horrible mutation period, all major organs like the heart and lungs cease functioning except for the brain which operates on a very primitive, dormant-like state.

Once the mutation is complete, the corpse is reanimated into something that bears little resemblance to the original human host.  One of their most terrifying strengths is that zombies have completely eliminated the use of the heart & to some degree the lungs; which only function to make the zombies eerie moans but not for breathing.  You’d be surprised how eliminating the need for oxygen gives these monsters an amazing advantage over humans like walking underwater indefinitely or immunity to lethal gasses.  While other bodily functions might still operate in a very primitive way, others operate in a modified capacity while the remainder is completely shut down.

Fortunately for humans, Solanum is not an airborne or waterborne disease. It can’t be spread by insects like mosquitoes or fleas as experiments have indicated parasitic insects can detect and will reject infected hosts 100% of the time. Infected flesh is so highly toxic that it is avoided by all living creatures from hyenas to vultures and most microscopic organisms. Provided the person has no open wounds in the mouth, ingestion of zombie meat will result in death rather than infection. Animals that have eaten zombie meat die 100% of the time and stay dead. Live infected animals always die too quickly for the virus to mutate them.

Studies have also shown that though Solanum drives zombies to be ravenous carnivores that eat any creatures with flesh on their bones, they will always choose fresh human meat 100% of the time over animal flesh if the former is available. Their hunger is never satiated; they will continue eating until they are destroyed. In fact, eyewitness accounts have reported some zombies to be so bloated from meat that they’re stomachs burst open and its contents spill out, but that still won’t kill them or even stop them from eating further.

Lastly, even if Solanum was introduced to a non-infected corpse, mutation won’t happen because there is no blood circulation that can transport the virus to the brain. Injecting the virus directly into the brain is equally useless because cells required for replication are dead and can therefore not respond to the virus.

Now that we have demystified zombies and we understand how they are made, it’s time to list the methods of how they can be beaten.

10. WEAR TIGHT CLOTHING, RUNNING SHOES & KEEP HAIR SHORT

Zombies typically grab their prey and pull it towards their mouths. So imagine how much easier it would be for them to grab your baggy clothes or long hair in a close quarter’s combat situation. Wear running shoes because you will be doing a lot of running, heavy boots like Timberlands will fatigue you quickly. If your hair is long like that chick from The Walking Dead series with the dreadlocks wrap it in some sort of head gear like a buffer. But I recommend cutting it short, I mean why risk turning into a Z just for a trendy hairstyle? Lastly, cover exposed wounds with multi layers of clothing like leather in case zombie fluids splatter on them, this could also protect you from infection if bitten. I personally recommend an extra pair of undies in case your crap yourself in fear.

9. IMMEDIATELY ISOLATE INFECTED VICTIMS & DESTROY THEM

Once you have ascertained beyond a doubt somebody in your group is infected, lead them to an isolated area and dispose of them humanely (if they're still human). One of the biggest urban myths is that zombies can sometimes show mercy to loved ones or have faint memories of their past lives but that’s complete bull shit.  Even though they might resemble your family or friend, understand that they are dead now and what’s left of them won’t hesitate to eat you alive or infect others once fully reanimated. Mourn later!

8. CLIMB UP THE STAIRCASE, NOT DOWN THE BASEMENT

The reason why the undead are so slow & clumsy is because Solanum has rendered their motor-co-ordination reflexes useless. Decomposition and Riga Mortis has also greatly atrophied their muscle strength and mass. So simple tasks we take for granted like climbing up a ladder or a flight of stairs is practically impossible for a Z. Therefore the best places to comfortably evade or hide from them is on a rooftop or anything above the ground floor of a multi-story building. From here you can easily shoot them at leisure if you have a rifle or crossbow. Remember to pull up the ladder or destroy the staircase because they do tend to climb on top of each other to reach an elevated food source if there are enough of them. The worst room you can hide in during a zombie fight is the basement, not only can they easily tumble down the stairs after you, but now you’ve cornered yourself as zombies are likely pouring in through the only escape route by now.  You might as well start seasoning yourself with salt and pepper.

7. USE YOUR BRAIN, BLOW OUT THEIRS

There is only one way and one way only to kill a zombie for sure and that’s destroying its brain. Shooting anywhere besides the head, impaling them, severing limbs and spinal cord might slow them down, but they will keep coming and you’ll probably make them alert other zombies.  Destruction or massive damage of their circulatory, digestive or respiratory system is also futile because these vital functions are not needed for a zombie organism to operate.  Not even decapitation from the neck will kill them; in fact, some people have been bitten by severed zombie heads because their brains aren’t damaged. To make sure a zombie stays dead, the brain must be obliterated using whichever available means.

6. USE FIRE OR ACID FOR DISPOSAL OF TERMINATED ZOMBIES

Who are the suckers that started the false rumour that cremating a dead ghoul releases airborne toxins

and ash that can infect humans through inhalation? Although you should be extremely cautious when disposing of a terminated Z using fire, and you should be wearing protective clothing like a hazmat suit, common sense should dictate that viruses cannot survive high temperatures above the boiling point of water, let alone open flames. Sulphuric acid is also an excellent incendiary tool if you don’t trust fire because all you do is dump the zombie in the acid tub which will disintegrate everything from flesh to bone to the virus itself. But whichever disposal method you use be sure to exercise extreme caution when handling dead zombies, acid or fire.

5. USING FIRE TO KILL ZOMBIES ISNT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA

Simply lighting a fire under a Zs ass won’t kill it, at least immediately and for many reasons. Firstly, Zs have no fear of fire or anything for that matter and they don’t feel pain, so burning zombies won’t notice or react to the flames engulfing it in any way. Flesh also takes a long time to burn to a crisp, so in the time it takes for fire to destroy a zombie's brain, it could’ve set fire to other flammable materials in your surroundings (not good if you are enclosed) there’s also a possibility of smoke inhalation and the combination of flames and smoke could draw other zombies to your location. A burning zombie can do far more damage than it can with its bite, therefore fire should rarely be used for static defense but rather be reserved for fleeing. However, use your discretion, if there’ are many zombies trapped in a flammable structure, toast with Molotov Cocktails and throw them inside. 

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4. BLADED/BLUDGEONING WEAPONS ARE SILENT & DON’T NEED AMMO

The best weapons to use if close quarters combat is unavoidable are sharp blades with medium to long reach that can decapitate your enemies or even an improvised melee/bludgeoning type of weapon that can be used repeatedly and can crush skulls in one blow. The best bludgeoning type weapon is undoubtedly the crowbar, firstly because it won’t bend or break like a cricket/baseball bat, it is light and it can also be used for what it’s originally designed for. Though powerful, axes and sledgehammers are quite heavy and tricky to use when aiming at a moving target, plus if you miss you’ll be of balance. Single handed hatchets, long swords, machetes even Shaolin spades are the best long/mid reach edged weapons as they are light and require little practice to master. If you are really up close to a Z then pull out your knife and sink it in its temple, eye socket or the base of its skull, however, make sure the blade is long, smooth and sharp enough to reach the brain. Avoid serrated blades as they tend to get lodged in victims, not cool if you’re cornered and need to kill multiple Zs with it.

3. SELECT YOUR PRIMARY FIREARMS WISELY

Selecting your primary firearm isn’t as simple as arming yourself with the biggest gun you can carry. Though the urge to rock ‘n’ roll with an automatic rifle when surrounded by ghouls is irresistible, remember that your ammo, range & accuracy is always limited by the sort of firearm you're using. And what if your gun jams when you are surrounded in mid-battle? Have you considered that gun shots will attract even more Zs?  Ask yourself; is my goal attack, defence or evasion? How many people in my group and how many are good shots? What environment is my battleground? What class of zombie outbreak am I facing? Is the gun easy to clean and maintain?  Putting machine guns & assault rifles on auto is a waste of ammo, you could unload entire clips in zombie hordes and only kill one or two if your slugs failed to penetrate their skulls. Controlled, single shot rifles like sniper guns with sights or old school hunting rifles like the U.S Springfield or British Lee Enfield are excellent choices as they are common and can double up as bludgeoning weapons too. But if you’re dying for an automatic rifle the good ol’ AK-47 is the best choice because it rarely if ever jams and its bayonet can be used for stabbing zombie heads while its wood/steel handle can crush skulls.

2. KNOW HOW TO DEFEND YOUR RESIDENCE

In the event of a class 1 outbreak (1 to 20 zombies within a 20-mile radius), your private residence is your best hiding place. There is no need to leave your city because everyone will panic as soon as they hear the dead are walking and they’ll scramble for the highways, creating a deadlock and easy pickings for the zombies. A five-meter tall concrete wall and steel or wrought-iron gate reinforced with your car against it, patrolled by a small group of lightly armed people is more than enough. Apartment blocks are even better than houses because they have multiple stairways zombies can’t climb, it can be defended by hundreds of tenants who have a variety of useful skills (paramedics, police, army reservists etc.) even if the outbreak reaches class 2 status (20 to 100 zombies within a 100 mile radius). Whether defending a house or apartment building, be sure to stock up on essential supplies such as water and water filters, food(canned and dried), clothing, weapons, rechargeable batteries, candles, torches, flares, lighters, petrol, electricity generators, walkie-talkies, radios, fire extinguishers, general disaster manuals, first aid kit, medicines, tool box, board games and spare machine parts. The quantity should obviously be determined by how many people are in your group.

1. GATHER CORRECT SUPPLIES WHEN YOU’RE ON THE RUN

In the unfortunate event that Solanum reaches class 3 outbreak (hundreds to thousands of Zs encompassing an area of several hundred miles) or the worst possible scenario, class 4 outbreak (millions to billions of zombies swarming the planet) then it’s time to leave your house or apartment, go on the run and find a safer refuge. Remember that no place is totally safe in a zombie apocalypse, only safer. When you’re on the run, the general rules to live by are;

i) Keep going: don’t stop to hunt for lone zombies, scavenge for valuables or investigate strange noises or sounds, or pick up strangers. Any unnecessary pause on your journey could spell death.

ii) Establish a destination: Don’t set of in a random direction praying for the best. Know where you’re going and make sure the route isn’t blocked by abandoned cars, have an approximate estimation of the amount of Zs between you & your destination and make sure your destination isn’t overrun already!

iii) Avoid moving solo or in large groups: Traveling in large groups across zombie territory is as dangerous and stupid as traveling solo as both attempts greatly increases the chances of detection by the enemy, so keep your team between three to ten people who are well trained, multi-skilled and have settled any personal differences. There must be only one team leader who is mutually respected by the entire team, and everyone should take equal turns performing guard duty at night.

iv) Remain mobile and invisible: Mobility and invisibility, not firepower and noise, are your best allies when on the run. Be prepared to run at a moment’s notice, never unpack all your gear at once and never pack more than you can carry. Never take unnecessary risks that can end up in injury. Rem m ain stealthy by tying down clanky gear, switch of noisy electronic equipment like radios or digital alarm watches, whisper or use hand gestures to communicate. If possible wear military fatigues or dark clothing so you don’t stick out, travel through open areas when absolutely necessary and refrain from making fires or using flashlights or other sources of light at night.

v) Vehicles: Not only are combustion engines really loud but cars, trucks, buses, motorbikes need fuel to operate and chances are all petrol stations have probably been drained dry by now. Other than that, most roads are probably impassable due to rubble, broken down vehicles or thousands of zombies blocking them. If you’re going off-road however make sure your SUV/4x4 is actually built for dirt roads and potholes, but eventually even the toughest 4x4 breaks down and needs maintenance or new parts. So make sure you’ve covered as much distance to your destination as possible before this happens. The best vehicle is undoubtedly a bicycle, preferably a mountain bike because it can travel through any terrain, is quiet, doesn’t need petrol and can be carried if needs be.

CONCLUSION

So those are my personal favourite tips from The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead. There are literally hundreds more  survival tips in the book, and even more out there on the internet, but if I mentioned any more I’d end up writing a really thick manual myself. I totally recommend this book not just for the purpose of amusement, but the knowledge and wisdom it drops are totally useful in any disaster or doomsday scenario, zombie or otherwise.

• ·         What do you think of the survival tips I selected?
• ·         Do you have any survival tips of your own that you would like to share?
• ·         Have you seen or encountered or zombie before?

I look forward to reading your response in the comments section below, please don’t forget to like or share this blog post if you found it interesting and informative.

THE STRAIN TRILOGY: MOST EPIC VAMPIRE TALE...EVER!

Before The Strain was adapted into an award winning TV series and comic book collection, the vampire apocalypse trilogy débuted with ultra-creepy novel The Strain in 2009, which was the first book to be authored by Mexican born, Hollywood horror/sci-fi director Guillermo Del Toro (Blade 2, Pacific Rim) and co-authored by acclaimed American crime writer Chuck Hogan (Devils in Exile, Killing Moon) whose bestselling crime novel The Town became a movie. The creative combination of these writers results in a predictably violent yet disturbing vampire story that realistically shows humanity’s propensity for intense cruelty and evil towards itself.

SPOILER ALERT: MAD SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE TRILOGY

The horror begins when a commercial jet from Berlin, Germany; Regis Air Boeing 777 mysteriously blacks out a few minutes after landing at JFK Airport in New York, USA. All of the planes lights are off so its pitch black inside the cabin and cockpit, all attempts for radio communication on multiple frequencies failed, even cellphone calls to crew and passengers go unanswered, all the window blinds are down except for one and there is absolutely no movement inside the plane.

After authorities conclude that this could be some sort of terrorist attack, they call in a SWAT team and two personnel from the Centre for Disease Control to force their way into the plane but instead of crazy terrorists they discover the plane has become a tomb. All crew and passengers appear dead but there are no signs of fighting anywhere in the plane or distress on any of the dead people’s faces, it’s as if they died instantly when the plane touched down. Dr. Ephraim “Eph” Goodweather, the books lead character is one of the CDC doctors accompanying the SWAT team. He reluctantly rushed to the airport after seeing the plane on TV news, leaving behind his disappointed 11 year son old Zachary Goodweather at home, whom he fought a bitter custody battle with his ex-wife Kelly Goodweather to see a few times a month. Eph soon forgets his guilt after he and co-worker Dr.Nora Martinez sweep through the cabin inspecting the bodies with Ultra Violet light wands, and discover a handful of unconscious survivors which include a rich and famous dark metal rock star named Bolivier.

At this point, there is a global media orgy concerning Regis Air 777 but the world’s attention quickly shifts to a spectacular natural occurrence, a total solar eclipse or occultation. The shadows path ended in New York, where thousands of New Yorkers had gathered in parks and rooftops to see the brief eclipse.  The plane was already quarantined in a hangar during the occultation and from there some of the corpses were taken to different morgues around New York. But not before Eph and Nora noticed a lot of weird things about them like no signs of early stage decomposition, and the inspectors also found a giant wooden coffin with intricate, gothic style carvings of terrified, twisted faces in the plane’s cargo hold which was unaccounted for in the flight manifest.

The coffin was forcefully carved by a Jewish WWII holocaust survivor turned vampire hunter Mr. Abraham Setrakian, during his internment at a Nazi concentration camp in Germany as a young man. Setrakian is now a sick, frail old man who owns a pawn store in a dodgy party of New York. His frail physical condition is made worse by his mangled fingers which were all broken during his first battle against the books evil villain; a sadistic vampire overlord called The Master. Setrakian is one of the few humans in the world who understands the sinister connection between the airplane deaths and the occultation. But despite Setrakian’s weak physical condition, his frailty is overcompensated by his innate knowledge of the strigoi (vampires) such as their history, anatomy, strengths and weaknesses. When vampire poop hits the fan, this wisdom made him an invaluable tool and humanity’s last hope through most of the story.

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The public starts panicking again when the dead bodies from Regis Air 777 all go missing from the morgues. The dazed survivors also can’t explain what happened on the plane and matters are made worse when they too disappear after discharging themselves from hospital. The missing bodies eventually show up, right at the doorsteps of their loved ones, as newly turned vampires, while some run around naked attacking people in public places like Times Square and infecting them with the fast spreading vampire virus. Within a month, New York and America is infected with this virus and a few months after that, the strigoi have taken over the entire world with The Master ruling everything.

The authors go into pain staking detail to scientifically describe the vampire anatomy and the nature of the virus, which can be spread by worms that ooze out of vampire wounds. The main delivery mechanism of these vampire worms is a muscular retractable stinger which is actually a refined human tongue, the strigoi use this long stinger to strike at uninfected targets several meters away. The strigoi have excellent night vision, are able to communicate telepathically and they have an extra-long middle finger ending with a thick, talon like nail which they use like hooks to scale up vertical walls. Though they have varying levels of intelligence, strength and agility depending on how long they’ve been infected, all strigoi in the vampire hierarchy are telepathically linked to The Master via a hive mind, and through the eyes and ears of every strigoi in the world The Master sees and hears everything. The Master also calculated the exact number of humans to be kept alive so the vampire population wouldn’t exhaust its food source.  Most of these remaining humans are merely vampire livestock, hoarded into blood camps run by the Stoneheart Group to be systematically bred, fed and bled.

The vampires aren’t entirely invincible though, they have four weaknesses mainly; good ol' fashion silver, their pale white skin burns under sunlight or artificial UV light and they’re unable to cross large bodies of water without human assistance.

They’re main weakness is the Occido Lumen, a rarely seen ancient, silver covered book which contains the true history of the origin of the vampire race and the secret to destroying them forever.  But before people could regroup and fight back, The Master, with the help of old, sick dying billionaire Eldridge Palmer whom the master promised eternal life as a vampire and joint rule of the planet once vampires rule the world, sets of a series of nuclear meltdowns starting with a nuclear power station owned by Palmer’s Stoneheart Group.

 The nuclear explosions expel thick black clouds into the sky which eventually encircle the entire planet and block out vampire purging sunlight, heralding a nightmarish nuclear winter. This allows the vampires to comfortably wreak havoc on the surface for at least 22 hours a day, but they quickly retreat to the darkness for two hours daily when faint sunrays filter through the acid raining, radioactive clouds.

Two years after the nuclear explosions and the strigoi claimed the planet, the only remaining hope for humanity in this lightless world is for Setrakian and his new team of unlikely allies to find the Occido Lumen. These allies are; Eph and Nora, a rat exterminator named Fet, a Mexican thug named Gus and a rogue vampire named Mr.Quanlain who has an ancient dispute to settle with The Master. This awkward group of heroes is supported by a council of six vampires called The Ancients who view The Master as a threat to their existence and the traditional vampire way of life which is to rule humanity unseen from the shadows.

By the time the story gets to the final book, it all comes down to a race for the Occido Lumen, a race that will seal the fate of either mankind or strigoi, depending on who reads the book first. If it is The Master he will destroy The Ancients and rule his vampire kingdom with impunity, if it is Setrakian he will know how to permanently destroy The Master and the rest of the strigoi kind. At this stage of the story, the only questions on my mind as I frantically turned the pages were; who will find the Occido Lumen first?  What secrets does it hold about the origin of the vampire race? And who wrote it?

The answers were just as twisted as the ending.

Authors: Chuck Hogan & Guillermo Del Toro

Genre: Alternative Fiction/Horror

Year: 2009 to 2011

Rating: 5/5

What do you think of The Strain Trilogy?

Do you think the TV series represented the book perfectly?

Please leave your comments below...

  

  

Book Review: Slave Species of God

Author: Michael Tellinger

Genre: Conspiracy/Adult-fiction

Publisher: Zulu Planet Publishers

Year: 2005

Rating: 3 reading glasses 

In the icy cold outer fringes of our solar system, floats Nibiru, a red planet several times larger than Earth which is inhabited by giant, highly intelligent and technologically advanced humanoids called the Annunaki who possess incomprehensible life spans.

The Annunaki

Every 3 600 years, Nibiru’s protracted elliptical orbit brings it blazing through the inner solar system like a wild comet, cutting through the orbits of Mars and Jupiter at its perigee. But millions of years ago, one of Nibiru’s moons collided with Tiamat, a planet which existed between Mars and Jupiter, shattering it to pieces (creating the debris field known as the Asteroid Belt today) and damaging Nibiru’s fragile ozone layer, leaving its surface life exposed to lethal solar radiation.  

Prompted by this natural disaster, the Niburuans dispatched astronauts to Earth to search for gold which they would crush to a fine powder and scatter in their upper atmosphere in order to create an artificial ozone layer to save their world.  They found an abundance of gold in Southern Africa but after tens of thousands of years of toiling in the mines, the Annunaki miners staged a Marikana style revolt which brought their inter-planetary mining mission to a halt for some time.

As a solution, one of the mission commando’s Enki proposed; “let us create a primitive worker” to lessen the Annunaki’s workload. This primitive worker was created by splicing Annunaki DNA with the DNA of large African apes. After much trial and error they created the first Earthling 250 000 years ago whose clones were sent into the gold mines to work as genetically engineered slaves, hence the book title Slave Species of God.

So where is the originality?

If you think Michael Tellinger used this book to add an original theory to the ancient astronaut hypothesis think again. Those who’ve read not only Zecharia Sitchin’s material, but books written by other extra-terrestrial ‘experts’ like Eric von Donaken or UFO cult leader Rael in the 60s and 70s about aliens coming to Earth in remote times and creating humans through DNA synthesising won’t find much that will surprise them in this book.

Moreover, the book almost reads like a transcript from an episode of Ancient Aliens on theHistory Channel, which has cranky looking UFO experts like Giorgio Tsoukalis crediting aliens for unexplained technological marvels in distant history, because we all know people in those times were too primitive to do it by themselves.  “Who built the pyramids? Aliens!”

“How could savage man have known about distant solar systems? Duh, aliens!”  

Michael Tellinger (left) and Giorgio Tsoukalis from the Ancient Aliens TV series. Who took this picture? Probably aliens! Source: facebook

Face palm slap moments

Tellinger also applies that ‘aliens made everything modern Europeans can’t explain’ mind set. E.g. he admits Africans sailed to Mexico thousands of years before the Spanish, siting the giant Olmec stone heads in South America as evidence, but there is no way Blacks were smart enough to navigate the Atlantic on their own so long ago , so he proposes one logical explanation… Bingo, aliens!

The racial subjectivity later contradicts itself. At one point he states how the Annunaki created the Si-ga-ga  or the Black Headed People which was Sumerian for Africans, ‘in their image and likeness’, which would mean the Annunaki had prominent African racial features. However, later on he says the Annunaki were definitely Caucasian, because the Sumerian description of the biblical Noah (who was apparently a human/Annunaki hybrid) describes him as having skin as white as snow and eyes as blue as the sky i.e. Aryan features. With this info I would deduct that the Annunaki were a multi-racial people at the very least. But that’s something Tellinger evidently can’t digest.

Let me guess, aliens cut that rock? Source: Facebook

Moreover, on the last page of the book which is a map of Africa and the Middle East, Tellinger labelled regions like Southern African as Monomotapa and Middle Eastern empires as Mesopotamia and Anatolia, which is what the natives living in those regions called their kingdoms. Yet he omits calling Egypt by what its inhabitants of the same time period called it; Khemit which means The Black Land. If he could research the original names of Southern African and Middle Eastern empires, why continue calling Khemit, an African nation, by what its Greek invaders called it, Egypt?

But you should still read it

Slave Species didn’t become a South African bestseller for nothing. Even if you don’t necessarily believe in extra-terrestrials, UFOs or any contemporary texts about aliens meddling with human DNA in our remote past, this book is an excellent bite size starter to satisfy any curiosity you have about the UFO/ET phenomenon currently sweeping the world by storm.

Apparently Tellinger is a qualified pharmacist. This slightly diminishes his nutter demeanor and adds weighty credibility to his facts about human physiology the opening chapters discuss in detail. (They psychologically prepare readers for later chapters which might be too horrific for squeamish readers to absorb).

Tellinger's Ubuntu political party failed dismally in this years national elections. He doesn't blame aliens but he says the Reserve Bank rigged the results so Ubuntu couldn't get a seat in parliament...Yep, sure they did. Source: facebook

In conclusion

Slave Species is a good summary of many ancient astronaut texts, a simple go to book for curious people who want to know about the subject in one sitting without having to painstakingly read different books or watch an entire season of Ancient Aliens.

Thanks to fossil evidence the world now knows for a fact that the first human was South African, and it’s about time local writers instead of arrogant Westerners write books detailing this incredible creation of our species here, even though the local writer in this case is a white Englishman with tinges of racial and religious bias. Nonetheless Slave Species provides an excellent African point of view of humanity’s origins and future. 

Book Review: Eternity's End

Author: Jeffrey A. Carver 

Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates 

Year: 2000Genre: Sci-fi
Rating: 4 reading glasses

Eternity’s End takes place thousands of years in humanity’s future, on distant planets and solar systems colonised by mankind. But after fighting amongst themselves for control over space in a devastating war called The War of a Thousand Suns, humans divided into two factions; Centrist Strength controlling the Centrist Worlds where humans live peacefully with aliens and the Kyber; cyborg space pirates who believe the galaxy belongs to humans only.

The story begins with the daring escape of Renwald Legroeder and Maris from a Kyber stronghold after seven years of forced servitude. They race for the nearest Centrist World-Faber Eridani seeking asylum.

Instead of a hero’s welcome Legroeder is detained under allegations that he deliberately flew Ciudad de Los Angeles into Golen Space to be captured by pirates. And nobody buys his story that the “ghost ship” Impris is real and lured his ship into strike distance with fake distress calls. But with Maris in a coma, there’s no witness able to corroborate Legroeder’s innocence.

Fortunately a sympathetic attorney, Ms. Harriet Mahoney posts Legroeder’s bail and helps him escape Faber Eridinai to prove his innocence. In space he teams up with amphibious alien lizards called the Narseil and a sexy Kyber,  Trace/Ace Alpha,  whose pirate stronghold wants to see an end to pirating. Together they hatch a daring mission which includes; clearing Legroeder’s name, clearing the Narseil’s tarnished name in humanity’s history books and locating and returning Impris to Eridani.

Carver goes into painstaking detail describing the incomprehensible technology humanity uses to dominate the Milky Way. The way he describes the flux, (a hidden realm of space where fast moving currents can sweep ships anywhere in the galaxy in a jiffy) and how riggers see it from their rigger stations (riggers ‘sail’ spaceships in the flux by using their imaginations) plus the description of the different alien species and augments (electro-mechanical devices that replace body parts and enhance brain functions) contorted my imagination. Plus with all the neutrasers, flux torpedoes, explosions and implosions it really felt like I was watching an action movie in a surround sound theatre.

But Eternity’s End is so long that it is separated into four parts and there are so many characters moving in and out of the storyline that I soon became overwhelmed and gave up trying to keep up. I also felt like some of the creatures fit in better into a children’s fantasy book rather than an adult sci-fi novel.

In an era where people cram into cinemas to watch 3D CGI sci-fi movies based on books instead of reading the actual books, this is quite a good read that captures a reader’s imagination in ways a fancy movie can never accomplish. If you’re looking for an excellent introduction into the world of science fiction novels or want to delve really deep into Jeffrey Carver’s Star Rigger Universe series in just one novel, buy Eternity’s End.

Book Review: A Disruptive Invention

Author:  Peter W. Shackle

Genre:  Sci/fi – Thriller

Publisher: Amazon.com

Rating: 4 reading glasses

For decades, scientists have been hitting dead ends trying to discover the holy grail of physics; the elusive fifth force, a mysterious energy which causes an electric current to repel gravity. 

Every scientist who has tried hunting the force has failed, that’s until electrical engineer John Sykes accidently discovers the force in his home lab while trying to create a fancy metal detector.

Needing someone in his field to confirm his claim, John uses the opportunity to invite work colleague and secret crush, Judy Chen over to his flat for a practical demonstration of the anti-gravity coils. Unfortunately for John, the sexy Chinese scientist he has been ogling since college insists on inviting Professor Tony Shepard who ran their physics lab in college to the ‘date’.  John relents, and on that fateful day, his two friends confirm the discovery of the fifth force.

After practical demonstrations of the anitcoil technology, the trio manage to convince venture capitalists to invest millions of dollars into their new company Electrolev.  They quit their day jobs, rent a  warehouse building in California, hire more staff and delve into more advanced research which leads to the construction of a completely silent, wingless, rotor less saucer shaped vehicle called a LeviStar capable of near space flight. When they test the LeviStar outdoors for the first time and the Californian public glimpses it, the media reports it as a UFO sighting. The story takes a dramatic turn when these newspaper reports raise the eyebrows of industrial spies.

Since LeviStars would make aircraft carriers, satellite companies, space shuttles, helicopters and airplanes obsolete, not to mention make its owners billionaires, its civilization shattering implications attracts the attention of the Russian government who has been covertly watching the development of the ‘silent helicopter’.  They send ruthless secret agents to infiltrate the Eloctrolev headquarters to steal as much information about the technology as possible, they successfully complete their mission but not without killing several Electrolev employees in the process.

Suspecting a foreign government could be behind these crimes, and fearing they could use LeviStars against America, the US military steps in and moves the Electrolev team to the Area 51 secret air force base, and invests $1billion in a desperate attempt to develop an advanced prototype before the unknown foreign government beats them to it.

ADI has some complicated science jargon which is confusing if you’re not a physics nerd. And despite many gun wielding police, secret agents and military personnel, about four shots are fired in the entire story making the shootouts disappointing.  However, once the LeviStar conducts its maiden space flight you’ll fly through the book anxious to discover if the craft crashes or stalls in space forever.

 Moreover, the love triangle between Judy, Tony and John becomes painful when Judy is forced to choose between the two. What makes ADI unique from traditional UFO stories is that it’s probably the only flying saucer tale not involving little green aliens, making it an original sci-fi classic.